How to stop worrying, think positively and be happier
How to stop worrying, think positively and be happier

According to research most of the things we worry about are based in the future. This is because we fear the unknown.

As humans we don’t like the unknown, we prefer certainty, stability and security.

There’s only one thing, for certain, we know about the future and thats the fact that it ends in death.

Knowing this fact, does nothing for our stability or security.

 

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Death is the ultimate loss and fear is all about loss.

So because we know we will lose our life this fear seeps into every other aspect of our lives. We fear losing our job, our money, our house, our health and the ability to look after ourselves and loved ones.

These fears are all in the future.

BUT what if we could visit the future.

OK we can’t visit our future but we can listen to people who have most of their lives behind them, the elderly.

For his Legacy Project, Professor Karl A. Pillemer asked 1,200 elderly people this question:

“What do you regret when you look back over your life?”

The most popular answer, by far, was:

“I wish I hadn’t spent so much of my life worrying.”

John Alonzo, 83, is a man of few words, but I quickly learned that what he had to say went straight to the point. A construction worker, he had battled a lifetime of financial insecurity. But he didn’t think twice in giving this advice:

Don’t believe that worrying will solve or help anything. It won’t. So stop it.

James Huang, 87, put it this way:

Why? I ask myself.

What possible difference did it make that I kept my mind on every little thing that might go wrong?

When I realized that it made no difference at all, I experienced a freedom that’s hard to describe.

My life lesson is this: Turn yourself from frittering away the day worrying about what comes next and let everything else that you love and enjoy move in.

 

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So what can we learn from this?

Three things:

1. Accept the facts, forget the fiction.

We will die, that’s a fact but we don’t know if we’ll lose our jobs, money or houses so there’s no point worrying about things that might or might not happen.

We can only live our lives in two ways: needlessly worrying or trying to enjoy it.

 

2. Worrying makes things worse.

Happy people are more successful in all areas of their lives.

Worrying impacts happiness.

Being unhappy for long periods of time affects both your mental and physical health. You are more likely to lose what you hold dear, to yourself, if you’ve lost control of these faculties.

Likewise if you’re happy you’re more likely to be healthier and therefore both mentally and physically stronger.  You’ll be more successful in retaining what you value in this state of being.

 

3. Learn to enjoy the positives in your life right now.

Your past and your future is only made up of what’s happening right now. If you are positive in the present then your past and your future will also be happy.

One of the most important words in the above sentence is, “learn”.

Our minds are predisposed to creating a certain amount of worry. This is healthy. A little amount of worry is a good motivator, it helps us improve, to flee from danger or prepare for it.

The problem comes when we worry too much.

Think about the old analogy: the glass half full or empty and how you perceive it.

 

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Is it half full or half empty?

Now imagine the water is your life. You have to drink it to survive but when it’s all gone you will have nothing else to drink and therefore no more life.

So what do you do?

Enjoy drinking the water while you still have it or not drink it, worry about it evaporating and die of dehydration.

We’ve got to learn to see the glass half full.

We’ve got to learn to enjoy it now while we still can or we will look back on our lives and wish we hadn’t worried so much.

The more we practice anything the better we get at it.

Think of something you’ve started doing something that required some mental attention like, Sudoku, Crosswords or a game on your mobile. You need to do them repeatedly to improve.

This is the same with positive thinking. You have to regularly practice thinking positively before it becomes more natural to you.

 

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This is why I set up happymap, to consciously practice positive thought.

happymap encourages us to post something that made us happy everyday. Then when we look back at our past posts we can see that not only did everything turned out OK but it was a pretty pleasant experience.

Does it work?

Yes, we have data and testimonials stating it’s helped people do the following:

– Think more positively

– Worry less

– Feel better about themselves

Why not give our 21-day happiness challenge a try (by clicking here)?

Can you complete it? Yes of course you can…. think positively 🙂

 

 

 

 

Is Facebook making us more insecure?

 

Is Facebook making us more insecure?

 

It’s not a new observation that social networks are making us more unsociable (in real life) but what I’ve witnessed in the last few years is the way Facebook is feeding the insecurity of it’s regular users.

The trouble is, if you use Facebook too much you’re in danger of confusing it with real life.

It’s not.

The majority of what people post is a by-product of their insecurity.

Let’s start with the photo’s.

 

Is Facebook making us more insecure?

 

Invariably, people only post photo’s that fits with the persona or image that they’re happy to portray to the greater public.

In short it’s an edited glimpse, into a small percentage of that person’s life and it’s not their normal life. It’s their extraordinary life, that’s why they’re taking a picture of it.

Nobody parties 24 hours a day, “with the best mates in the world” and if they did they wouldn’t have the time or energy for Facebook.

I often post pictures of my sons and yes part of me does this because I’d like to remember that particular time but I can’t deny another part of me feels good when these pictures receive likes or some nice comments.

It’s as if people liking the photo someway endorses the fact that I have good genes, which is a positive reflection on me.

When’s the last time you saw a photo of someone drinking a cup of coffee watching Eastenders, whilst wearing a stained t-shirt and baggy tracksuit bottoms?

 

Is Facebook making us more insecure?

 

The only time you see a picture of a cup of coffee on Facebook is when:

1. Its in a branded cup, suggesting success by association.

2. Instagramed at an arty angle, trying hard to give the impression that’s it’s a more glamorous object than a cup of coffee.

3. Tagged in some swanky location, that the taker of the shot would like you to believe they regularly frequent.

Next is the status updates.

There’s only one reason people post a status update.

To feel popular.

I’ll give you some examples.

1. “Can’t wait to go out with my best girlies tonight”

Roughly translated, this means, “Look everyone I have friends and a social life, aren’t I amazing?”

2. “Out with a bunch of mates having a great time”

Is really, “I’m not in my house on my own, I’m with other people who don’t mind me bothering with them, see I’m not the sad loner you think I am”.

3. “Thinking of getting the new [insert hip gadget here] any advice?”

Means, “Look I’ve got enough money to waste on a bit of tech that most people can’t afford. Aren’t I doing well?”

4. “Thinking of going to [insert exotic holiday destination] for a much needed break, anyone been there?”

Translates as, “I doubt you’ve been there as it’s very expensive. Admit it, I’m successful arent !?”

 

Is Facebook making us more insecure?

 

To add to the insecurity, Facebook came up with (or borrowed) the now famous, “Like”, which is like crack to the severely insecure.

It validates and confirms that other people agree with the version of them that they are publicizing, which lets be honest is not them.

So as their, Facebook, alter ego gets more popular and grows in stature, like a dominant twin in the womb, it pushes the real them into the background, becoming almost fearful about revealing itself.

 

Is Facebook making us more insecure?

 

The trouble with hunting for likes, is that it doesn’t satisfy the insatiable animal that’s insecurity. It encourages it to sniff out more, like a shark smelling its first drops of blood.

The more likes we get, for a status update or a picture, the more we want because it proves (or so we believe) how funny, successful, clever and more importantly how popular we are.

To compound the insecurity, when somebody likes your status update, it’s not because they like your status update, its because they want you to like them for liking your status update.

 

Is Facebook making us more insecure?

 

There’s no level we won’t stoop to to garner a bit of attention.

I’ve even witnessed, “friends”, using this status update to get a gain a bit of attention, “Goodbye Facebook – I’ve had enough!”

The next day they’ve deleted this status and are happily (or unhappily) boasting of their next movement, as if that status had been written by their real personality and therefore had no place on Facebook.

The irony, is that attaining likes, doesn’t make us any more popular, in fact it couldn’t be further from the truth.

If we feel our lifestyle or opinion is only worthy when it’s validated by other people clicking, “Like”, then we have no self worth and this is the most important like of all.

To help us not confuse real life with Facebook I think it would help if they relabelled Fakebook.

 

Is Facebook making us more insecure?

 

Ps – if you liked this article could you share it on all the social networks you’re a member of and get friends to like it otherwise I’ll have wasted an entire hour writing this.

 

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